Freediving as a way out of grief

Breathing caught in my throat, wrinkled cheeks. Want to speak, I feel the pulse through my shudder. Do not. I can not do that. I can not. A hand on my back, I pushed it open, combat correction. Need to breathe to make me know what to do. Pressure out of the water, I breathe. A voice shouted, “Double hooks breathe, breathe!” I took a breath and grabbed another quick, circular intake of air like a wave. The same voice said, “Thirty seconds to recover, and then go again.” I gasped, “how do I go? I go? I win?” And laughter echoed in the water. “Let me go.” I learn to breathe but I’m not ready to let go.

I met the year when you could fall in love: suddenly, obsessively. The first time I saw I could not look away. In the first few weeks I stayed up late to watch the excitement of the endless holder of the lens. I put the photo in the wall of my study as the diver ascends through the darkness of the water, the fine beam punctures. When I look at these photos I am excited. I became a woman to have.

Because I was a writer, within a few days the novel voluntarily arrived at my imagination, set in a world of years, a compulsive and dangerous romance. The danger of this movement is an inevitable part and is the need to listen to your intuition. At night, I fell asleep thinking about the rest of the world’s water. The woman’s dream in my novel – her desires, her dangers – repeatedly woke me.


The year became a relatively new sport, with competitors aiming at the deepest of a breath or dive, applying a disciplined “static apnea” that takes the longest underwater. As a result of the application of new technologies, the fascinating images are silent, and the consequences of the seabed attract more viewers. Beyonce uses the image of Guillaume to break the traditional and Alice Modolo in recent music videos. Blue Sea, Blue Sky, Worship 1988 by Luc Besson’s film, free fictional competing relationship between diver Jacques Mayol and Enzo Maiorca. Mayol was the first dive depth to exceed 100 meters and his heart rate dropped to 27 per minute.

“The body can bring great depths. We come from the sea. Our bodies adapt to it.” When we sink to a certain depth, he explains that the heart beat down, And blood from the extreme heart of the body. The blood of this movement is called mammalian diving reflexes, and many divers see it as evidence that we naturally home in the water as it is on land. Beatus, an award-winning underwater photographer, is no tank to attract diving in silence. When I mentioned I could be quite competitive, he shook his head. “It will not help you dive for free, and here you only compete with yourself.”

This is an almost every diver who talked to me about this also agree. Martina Armitty BAFTA-winning director said she was the “other life” holder. The magic of her movie installation is captured under water suspended in the water. I met her in London, and she explained that she started diving “sad” out of the way. When she was a young woman, her boyfriend and her father died of inheritance, she instinctively “went to the water, I hold your breath, a person quiet.” It let me let it go. It brought me back to me. “When I asked her how deep and how deep I might go, she smiled. “It’s not about numbers, it’s about you, you’re talking to yourself.”

Nonetheless, divers are internationally competitive. Born in New Zealand, William Kawamoto, the current world record holder, diving without fins more than 100. However, even if he says he competes with himself. Or, as the year became photographer her daughter Verhoeven said, “depth” itself is a reward.
Before Sydney started to become a course of the year, I began to hold my breath for a few seconds, pushing it for a while. Snorkeling, I started to dip a bit further, a bit longer, but never enough long. Calling myself, my water in my stupid lungs, I can not go beyond a minute. At the climax of Cloughley, I aimed at the bottom of the wall. Only 6 meters at the bottom but halfway I might have felt the fear of traction I felt I would not let it back again. So the next day I called Beatus and asked if I could register in one of his classes. Now, my face is in the water, I’m here, learning to breathe, try to let go.

Only two of us are in this course. I spent several months watching the video of the diver’s paint, reaching the surface, the eyes flashing off, shaking their heads back and forth. When my classmate, a skilled spear Fisher, said he was an emergency doctor in his non-diving life, I wanted to kiss his hand.

During the Bandi Classroom session, I was excited and I knew the answers to all the questions. I know that the lungs are shrinking an orange size for you to fall; I know about 18 meters of buoyancy change in the water, so there is no need to contend with it, I know that humans can hold their breath for 8 or 9 minutes. I know it all, I do not know anything.

We begin our first class session with an overview of the year becoming a physical and physical ability to adapt to stress. We check our pulse and try to lower the relaxation exercises and impossible spells: let go.

My coach, Jack Hatfield will clip my finger on the watch, watch my pulse and tell me low. Peter, my classmates, success, I feel my competitive desires. I look at the quantity while I persevere in teeth. Then it happens: Jack starts talking about heartbeat, how it can be low, and naturally is in this state. I stopped thinking about these figures, Peter, “Winning”. I let go. When I look down, I see my pulse.

This is a beautiful experience of free diving, Amati said. “When I started training my movies, I had to train every day, static training, on the other side of the pool in London.One day I had to pipe, take a walk, and I monofin, all my weight was early, it was hot. I went to the swimming pool when I had enough, I thought it was stupid, all I did not want to do, and then I was in the water, wind, static discipline This was especially for me, I completely relaxed I always let go of my life, this is my lesson, let go when I do this, all flow, flow, flow of life.

After my first class, I spent a few hours at my local pool in the heart of Sydney’s west, trying to stretch the length I could swim in a breath. I close my eyes and think about the impressions I will stay for a few minutes. I think, perhaps, when I finished this book, I will become a free diving expert. Maybe I will compete. I want to clap, miracles.

In our first water conversation we do a series of yoga exercises. Dive, Beatus said, starting on the land, using your own ideas. We’re not going to be weightbelts anymore and I can feel the fear. I served for my diving suit, my spoils, my fins. We have an indoor pool in the suburbs. In a driveway, a group of gray-haired men swim. A young couple climbed out and yelled. This feels a long way from Beyonce.

We start with the “static table”, the time series static breathing, there is no movement. Jack explained that in diving, excessive carbon dioxide can cause vomiting reflexes. Breathing series, always with a man, is designed to expand the management capacity of excess carbon dioxide. I was skeptical, but less than half an hour later my breath nearly doubled, two minutes. I hit air, victory. I saw Peter finish his watch. Four minutes. “This is not a contest,” Jack reminded me.

Over the next two days we moved from static technology to distance, the bottom of the shark fin pool, pausing at different points along the dive. At our second distance dive I could see Peter next to me and I started to play faster and determined to win. Unexpectedly, my breathing and my shortening appeared, panting and disturbed. In the next attempt, I close my eyes, only to note their own body, their heartbeat. Ripples, I forget everything But this, now, this moment, I stretched my arm, my legs rocked, the water put me. I think invincible. After each attempt to become easier, I became less concerned with the results and more. The lessons I have on my life can not be more apparent.


A few weeks after the course I was in South WestRocks New South Wales on the northern coast, floating on the water, looking down at the following life. Breathe, I remind myself. Relax. Breath, I converted and the film about 10 meters, shark fin along the sand happiness before I appeared. No competition, no applause. I opened it and smiled in the sky. My breath. I learned to let go.